HOW TO NAVIGATE THE TALKING STAGE

By Gabby McDonald | Opinions Editor, Business Manager

Contrary to popular belief, the so-called “talking stage”—the phase between having a crush and dating— is nothing new. However, I think that our generation is terribly confused about this awkward stage and made it something far worse and more uncomfortable than it really is. The only difference between our generation's talking stage and the talking stage of our grandparents, or even parents' time, comes down to one thing: technology.
Cell phones specifically have almost completely taken away from meaningful, in-person relationships due to instant gratification. Rather than waiting to talk to someone until you see them next, our generation begs for instant replies to text messages or “snaps” back on Snapchat. Even worse, confusion about where you stand in a relationship skyrockets. For example, you could stay up all night on FaceTime just to make mere eye contact in the hallway. This in turn raises panic and confusion about whether or not your situation is serious, or if your partner actually has feelings for you. Phones have also made it a lot easier to display feelings for someone without having to ever actually talk to them. Rather than risking embarrassment or rejection, one could just text, snap, call or FaceTime to say what needs to be said. All of this to say our generation still longs for old-fashioned, in-person relationships. Though it isn’t as convenient as communicating via phones, in person relationships are much more meaningful than just “snapping” or texting.
On a similar note, I believe that gender roles are still crucial in relationships. Even in the talking stage, they still exist. Girls still want to be pursued by boys. Girls want to be sought after and feel like a boy is putting in effort for them. I don’t mean that girls want huge, rom-com worthy gestures performed to them, we just want the boy to show that he is actually interested. We want the boy to ask for our number or snap, ask us on real dates or simply just text us first. However, I’m not trying to get the point across that relationships rely only upon boys. Communication still goes two ways, and if a girl likes a guy, she needs to show her interest, as well. We just need more boys to be willing to show their interest, because unless a girl has a valid reason to reject someone, most of the time she will be flattered and accept a date or freely give out her number.
With that, another problem presents itself: the expectations of a talking stage. A huge dilemma in talking stages is exclusivity. The line between being able to talk to multiple people or commit to one talking stage becomes very unclear. This causes stress and ultimately leads to someone getting their feelings hurt or getting mad, which both lead to breaking things off. However, early on in talking stages, there’s nothing to say that you can’t talk to a couple of people, as there’s no clear commitment.
Here’s what I think: in all reality no one wants to find out that the person they’ve been talking to has been talking to someone else. So how do we avoid this? If you don’t want your partner talking to someone else, then make that known. Highlighting the importance of gender roles again, boys ask your girl to be your girlfriend. Girls can play a part in this too, by asking the guy where he thinks they stand, or even taking a step further and saying that she wishes to be exclusive. I do not think a girl should ask a guy to be her boyfriend, though, because that takes away from the boy seeking out a girl they like. Personally, I think that if nothing is too serious yet, the talking stage is no more serious than flirting. In that case, there’s no harm in flirting or talking to more than one person. When it becomes obvious that things are escalating, that’s when talking to more than one person becomes confusing and hurtful.
Quite frankly, I believe the talking stage is abused. I don’t think it’s a bad thing, because it’s natural to want to get to know someone before you date them, but the problem is that no one dates. The talking stage is now the equivalent of a relationship; hence, what we call “situationships.”
So, we need to use the talking stage correctly. Talk for a little bit, go on dates and then go from there. Good can still come from the talking stage, but unfortunately, our generation struggles to navigate through the awkward and confusing phase of a relationship.